January's Monthly Five

So it's the first monthly five of the new year and it's the time where we look back on the previous year and on to the next.  Part of this for me always involves films and it got me thinking of how many awful films there were last year.  I did my top ten of the year but did not do a worst ten list and so because of that this month's Monthly Five is me ranting about the worst five movies of last year which was pretty hard to whittle it down as there was a lot of them to cut it down too.

5) House At The End of The Street

A mother and daughter move to a small town and find themselves living next door to a house where a horrific murder happened years earlier.  A young girl murdered her parents and as the daughter befriends the surviving brother she begins to discover there is more to the story than first appears.

I appreciate what the film makers were trying to do, a modern day Hitchcock style thriller for a younger generation.  However their execution does not quite work as the film feels almost disjointed as they want to get from point a to point b in the narrative but seem to jump too quickly without much development in between.  This film could have been so much better if they had explored what the parents did to their son after the accident on the swings where their daughter was hurt.  He briefly mentions how they punished him but it is never fully explored or examined and for me that would have been the most interesting thing in the narrative.  

Final Verdict

A poor attempt at a Hitchcock style thriller that comes across more as Psycho without the psycho.  The performances are good but sadly it is not enough to save the film.  The plot felt too disjointed and it could have been much more interesting with a deeper exploration of the identity issues of Ryan. 

4) A Thousand Words

Eddie Murphy stars as Jack McCall a literary agent who is used to talking his way into deals and out of situations who finds himself in a predicament he cannot talk himself out of.  After lying to a spiritual guru (Cliff Curtis) he finds a tree in his back garden that is loosing its leaves every time he speaks.  It turns out they are connected and once the tree looses its leaves it will die and subsequently so will Jack.  

The film is completely unoriginal and you could probably describe the entire film without even seeing it as there are no surprises.  The main problem with the film is the fact that the plot is centred on the premise that Jack cannot speak or he will die, with Eddie Murphy being in the role, an actor whose comedy largely comes from what and how he says things, this becomes a problem.  The film takes the thing that mainly makes Eddie Murphy funny away and you are left with a game of charades.  

Final verdict

The film is not great, they take away the main thing that makes Eddie Murphy funny, his voice and whilst having a decent supporting cast does not give them enough to work with.  Highly predictable and full of cliches I wouldn't really bother unless you just want something to watch without any requirement to engage your brain.

3) Gone

A woman is convinced her kidnapper has returned and taken her sister.  She struggles to convince the police and so decides to find her sister on her own.  It is a slow film that is trying its best to be a traditional thriller but fails miserably in its delivery, the main issue being that there is not a single thrill in the entire film.  It limps along for the 95 minutes until the inevitable conclusion that holds no surprises or after sitting there for over an hour lacking any interest.  If the people involved had more talent such as David Fincher getting hold of a script by Ann Biderman and directing Jessica Chastain in the role it could have been an interesting exploration of a troubled woman's psyche but in lesser hands it is just rubbish.

Final Verdict

An attempt at a thriller but lacking any thrills Amanda Seyfried does her best to make the script come to life and be believable but its just a no win situation that leaves you wondering what you could have done with the time you have just wasted.

2) The Devil Inside

I am not a big horror watcher these days. As I have got older I seem to have become quite a wuss and now get freaked out fairly easy. This film looked quite freaky so I plucked up the courage to give it a go. So in the brightness of the day and cuddled up with my doggie to protect me I popped the Blu Ray in the player.  I kept waiting as the film progressed to the moment where I jumped or started hiding behind the pillow. This waiting went on forever as the film is not scary at all. It is a mockumentary of a young woman searching for the truth behind the act that changed her childhood. Her mother killed three people when she was a child which she later find out happened during an exorcism being performed on her mum.  

It takes 40 minutes for any sort of remotely freaky scene where a young girl has an exorcism.  The scene is full of cliches - lights go out, the girl breaks free, screams of 'where is she'...'oh my God'....  Then nothing, totally anti-climatic which seems to be the theme of the movie.

At the start of the film I thought it could be interesting with the mockumentary twist.  However this is nothing new and over the past few years has been totally overdone.  This quickly proved to be the case and it was just one cliche after another - shaky camerawork, off-screen action (use the term action loosely here) and talk to camera interviews.  If you've seen pretty much any previous film dealing with exorcisms then you've seen this one, it offers nothing new, isn't scary and is just pretty much a waste of time.

Final Verdict

A complete waste of time - brings nothing new to the exorcism sub-genre of horror.  It is not scary and not even really a horror movie but more a cliche filled mockumentary.  Oh and by the by, worst ending EVER.

1) Piranha 3DD

I'm not sure I need to say anything other than Piranha 3DD to let you know the film sucks but if you need more convincing then here goes.  Set after the events at Lake Victoria from the first Piranha 3D the blood-thirsty CGI piranha's are up to their old tricks but this time they find themselves at the opening of a water park.  Still not convinced?  Ok, then maybe the names David Hasslehof and Gary Busey will change your mind because any film with the nutty Gary Busey in is definitely not destined for greatness.  I saw the first film and although it certainly wasn't a masterpiece at least it was a mindless comedy that had decent acting and a mildly interesting narrative.  This one though is just mindless but not in a good way.  It is more comedy than horror but unfortunately the main issue is that the comedy just isn't funny.  

No effort went in to this film and that shows in every aspect from the narrative, acting to special effects that unfortunately have nothing special about them.  There is no originality and intelligence is sorely lacking in a film that is trying to be a spoof of the genre.  Iron Sky had similar intentions and was a film I really enjoyed as it was both original and the humour was cleverly entwined within the narrative.  Piranha 3DD makes no such attempt and as such fails miserably.  I have to give David Hasselhoff some credit however as he makes fun of himself to the nth degree and I do respect people who make fun of themselves.  For me that was the only redeeming feature in the whole film and not one of great weight.  The 3D is there just for the moments where things fly towards the screen and is just an excuse to make a bigger buck.  The whole movie has that feel unfortunately that the only reason it was made was to cash-in on the first film and I can't imagine that there is any other reason that any of the actors appeared in it without the promise of a pay day.  

Final Verdict

I know they were trying to make a 'bad' film but spoof films at least need some originality and intelligence in order to succeed.  They succeeded in making a bad film but one that was not funny nor scary just really bad.